I've been having a hard time lately trying to figure out what I want from my life and where I want it to go, and so I've had a really hard time trying to figure out what to write here. It's hard to share when your head feels a bit chaotic.
How do you overcome fear? Does anyone have a good suggestion for that? I think I'm on the edge of something big, of finally being able to leap off into the abyss, but first I need to conquer this gut-wrenching fear. That I'll make a fool of myself; that I'll be proven a failure; that I will actually be a failure. And then other fears that distract me from the leap: that our old house will never sell and we'll face economic ruin; that I'll never be able to find a job, even though I'm not entirely sure I want one; that this state of uncertainty will go on forever. I've realized these fears, while legitimate, are primarily here to distract me from the others, which is definitely a step in the right direction, but I'm still not sure what to do about any of them. Do you just live with them? That's what I'm beginning to suspect. That there's no way to make them go away; you just have to come up with competing messages to repeat to yourself when those little insidious voices start speaking up. What I'm having a hard time with is finding the happy medium between rah-rah self encouragement ("You can do it! You'll be great! Look out world!"), which doesn't feel natural to cynical old me, and being morose ("You will probably fail, but it's good to at least try. It's not like anyone's likely to notice what you're doing anyway."), which feels comfortable but not helpful. I guess I have to figure out how to be my own friend, which is not somethign I think I've ever done. Hunh.
P.S. The photo above shows some of my birthday spoils.
